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12/31/2002 Entry: "God is scaring me"

Has God ever frightened you?Have you ever been blown into the path of His Power and Might in a way that stops the world?

God is scaring me.

I don't 'serve' God with fuzzy feelings.My conversion experience wasn't emotional.I rarely 'feel' Him. I serve Him because of Who He is. Every once in awhile, rarely, He reveals Himself in ways that goes so far beyond my knowing or understanding I cannot comprehend what is happening. I cannot handle my humaness before Him. I only know I am in the presence of Holiness so terrible, so gripping, so complete, I am lost. I am found.

God and I wrestled a few weeks ago. He wanted me to let go of something. I didn't want to. Really? And just who am I to wrestle with God?To make a long story short, God won.I was not thrilled about it.A lot has happened since.I was praying for a blogger today. And God entered the room. Just. Like. That.He saw my heart and I cried out:

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of a Living God.I just went to spend time in the Word. I'm still shaking. I've been pierced. I've been blinded. The scripture:Psalm 139Around me is this swell of laughter. Universal peels of Joy.

My favorite hymn is O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go

I cannot speak before this. I know Richard is the minister here. He does the scripture reading and the teaching and the hymns.He can take over. I don't know what to do. God is scaring me.